Going to the lake sounds like a good idea. At 10am, after I’ve eaten, walked, showered, and have worked a bit. The reality is not exactly the same as I imagined.  3 dogs, a husband, a sister, and a 5 year old, at 3pm is not what I was hoping for. I get razzed for wanting to keep the dogs near by, accused of being crabby because I want to be responsible. I also get frustrated because I don’t know how to get a 5 year old to listen when there are rocks and water involved. Plus there’s good ol’ aunt flo affecting my attitude. 

I love the beach. But I don’t seem to know how to take time and come here myself.  Why do I make myself wait for 5 hours to go with others?  I find it sad that I don’t think of nice things to do with D and I.

I keep fighting who I am. Who I wish I was is not necessarily who I am.  So do I embrace who I am, and just accept it?  Or do I fight myself an try to change my basic nature?  Is that even possible?  Is it healthy?  Where is the line?

As someone in recovery, my basic nature is that of an addict/alcoholic. But every day, I choose to do something different.  It took a long time, but I think that, yes, my basic nature did change, and every day I make a choice to maintain that change.