Going to the lake sounds like a good idea. At 10am, after I’ve eaten, walked, showered, and have worked a bit. The reality is not exactly the same as I imagined.  3 dogs, a husband, a sister, and a 5 year old, at 3pm is not what I was hoping for. I get razzed for wanting to keep the dogs near by, accused of being crabby because I want to be responsible. I also get frustrated because I don’t know how to get a 5 year old to listen when there are rocks and water involved. Plus there’s good ol’ aunt flo affecting my attitude. 

I love the beach. But I don’t seem to know how to take time and come here myself.  Why do I make myself wait for 5 hours to go with others?  I find it sad that I don’t think of nice things to do with D and I.

I keep fighting who I am. Who I wish I was is not necessarily who I am.  So do I embrace who I am, and just accept it?  Or do I fight myself an try to change my basic nature?  Is that even possible?  Is it healthy?  Where is the line?

As someone in recovery, my basic nature is that of an addict/alcoholic. But every day, I choose to do something different.  It took a long time, but I think that, yes, my basic nature did change, and every day I make a choice to maintain that change.

How much do you open up in a blog?

I have a constant stream of things I cod blog going through my head all day long… But how much is too much?

I worry about who reads/will read this, will I offend someone? Should I care? I seriously doubt any of those I’m afraid of offending ever even see this site.

I was also raised to show the world your best face. Even when you’re feeling down, or sad or scared, you put on a good front. Through all the counseling, through all the 12 step work, and even though I was a counselor myself, I just can’t shake that. So writing about the truth, about pain or fear is absolutely scary for me.

Will anyone even read it? Most likely not. But it’s still scary.

We’ve decided to leave Wayne Co a little early.  About a week early.  It’s just too darn cold. Next year, if we make it back for the “Annual Western Tour” we’re probably going to do it in September or August…

Last night was probably the best night camping of the whole month!

Again, lots of pics ahead!

The Englishman’s friend and his wife came over to Wayne Co to go ATV’ing with us.  We ended up going about 50 miles I think.

We went from desert, to the aspen groves in the mountains, to farm country, and then back to desert.

This is definitely a pic heavy post!

Today is my 15 year sobriety birthday.  Sometimes it feels like 1 year, sometimes it feels like 100 years.  I definitely find myself contemplating my life every year on this day.