Going to the lake sounds like a good idea. At 10am, after I’ve eaten, walked, showered, and have worked a bit. The reality is not exactly the same as I imagined.  3 dogs, a husband, a sister, and a 5 year old, at 3pm is not what I was hoping for. I get razzed for wanting to keep the dogs near by, accused of being crabby because I want to be responsible. I also get frustrated because I don’t know how to get a 5 year old to listen when there are rocks and water involved. Plus there’s good ol’ aunt flo affecting my attitude. 

I love the beach. But I don’t seem to know how to take time and come here myself.  Why do I make myself wait for 5 hours to go with others?  I find it sad that I don’t think of nice things to do with D and I.

I keep fighting who I am. Who I wish I was is not necessarily who I am.  So do I embrace who I am, and just accept it?  Or do I fight myself an try to change my basic nature?  Is that even possible?  Is it healthy?  Where is the line?

As someone in recovery, my basic nature is that of an addict/alcoholic. But every day, I choose to do something different.  It took a long time, but I think that, yes, my basic nature did change, and every day I make a choice to maintain that change.

How much do you open up in a blog?

I have a constant stream of things I cod blog going through my head all day long… But how much is too much?

I worry about who reads/will read this, will I offend someone? Should I care? I seriously doubt any of those I’m afraid of offending ever even see this site.

I was also raised to show the world your best face. Even when you’re feeling down, or sad or scared, you put on a good front. Through all the counseling, through all the 12 step work, and even though I was a counselor myself, I just can’t shake that. So writing about the truth, about pain or fear is absolutely scary for me.

Will anyone even read it? Most likely not. But it’s still scary.

We’ve decided to leave Wayne Co a little early.  About a week early.  It’s just too darn cold. Next year, if we make it back for the “Annual Western Tour” we’re probably going to do it in September or August…

Last night was probably the best night camping of the whole month!

Again, lots of pics ahead!

We drove out in the afternoon and made it past Lake Powell and out of Glenn Canyon National Park.  We pulled off at one of the side roads, drove up it a little way and pulled over.

What a sunset!

There was no wind… The temp was perfect. Cool, but not too cold, i was able to unzip all of the windows and watch the stars.  It was awesome.

This is as we drove out of our camping area:

And a couple of driving shots:

The land is just so big… It’s hard to capture.

A quick stop for the pups:

And for us to play!

We’ll be stopping in Mancos, CO for a couple of days to catch up with some friends.

The Englishman’s friend and his wife came over to Wayne Co to go ATV’ing with us.  We ended up going about 50 miles I think.

We went from desert, to the aspen groves in the mountains, to farm country, and then back to desert.

This is definitely a pic heavy post!

There were some crazy clouds… But thankfully, no rain or snow!

It’s hard to just pick out a few good pictures!  There’s just soooo many!  I hope you don’t mind!

If you look closely, you can see me too!  In the reflection!

This is an amazing view of Capitol Reef National Park from the top of the mountain!

This is a view of the Aspen Groves at the top of the mountain.  We’re near Elk Horn Campground on Thousand Lakes Mountain.  That’s where I started my very first day of work at Passages to Recovery!

And then back down to the desert!

Just in time for a beautiful sunset…

Today is my 15 year sobriety birthday.  Sometimes it feels like 1 year, sometimes it feels like 100 years.  I definitely find myself contemplating my life every year on this day. 

The last couple of years have really been about finding myself and the next level of growth.  I have to admit, I haven’t done a lot of 12 step work these last few years… But in the past year I have done some major therapy around some pretty deep-seated issues.  I have also discarded a lot of the self loathing and discovered some of the root causes of my depression.  I’ve worked on my ADD, admitting that meds actually are good for me (and those around me!).  I’m trying to be true to the inner me and listen to myself more. 

But most of all… On my sobriety birthday, I remember the people who have made an impact on my life.  Those who carried me when I couldn’t drag myself.  The ones who showed me what healthy relationships looks like.  How a healthy, responsible, and mature woman should act, cause lord knows, i still feel like a gawky, dorky, 12 year old.

Every year on this day, I am so deeply grateful for those relationships and people that have given me strength, love, hope, and love.

Thank You.

This was a pretty big one for me.  We went looking for ruins and such… We found an old building for making charcoal or a smoker… It was most likely to be a cowboy or settler building.

More pics to follow the break…

The Englishman peaking through the door:

There was no roof and it was built into the hill, so I was able to sand outside and on top to get a few pics.

The sky is such an amazing blue…

Beautiful stormy morning:

Here’s a pic heavy post of our first hike.

More pics after the break…

We brought our friend Julie’s dog, Pippen.  He’s a cutie!

The pups have been walking this particular trail since they were really pups!

They even learned to swim in the river here!

I love the hidden vegetation… The low-to-the-ground barrel cactuses and the brightly colored plants hiding between the rocks. 

We arrived! 

It’s much colder than we expected and during our first night we disconnected our hose, thought we drained it… but not enough.  Our frickin’ $50 flat winding water hose froze and got a leak!  oh well.

Here’s our campsite:

It’s a seriously dog-friendly campground.  A lot of RV parks are very strict about dogs… which makes sense, but our two are great listeners and don’t stray 10 yards from the Englishman (me, that’s another story!)

Here’s the view from my “bedroom.” Pretty nice, eh?

It was pretty darn windy too.  It’s a very exposed property.  But, we’ve already paid for a month in advance.  I think that next time we go somewhere for an extended period, we’ll just do a week at a time at the most.

Again, a pic heavy post!

Setting up our Camper!!!

And no… I didn’t PhotoShop the pics…  The sky really is that blue.